Inner Battle…

amber-shannon-chicago-il

Jacket | Scarf

Happy Friday!

One week until Christmas… two weeks until New Years… and then we’ll be in brand new 2016! I recently read a post called Enough with the “Vanilla” Blogging by one of my favorite bloggers: Besos from America. In summary, her blog post was a brief piece about the reality that many bloggers these days only post and share pretty things… their lives are seemingly perfect, with the biggest flaw being, like, a cookie that doesn’t bake shaped to perfection. No one shares raw and vulnerable details anymore… I shouldn’t say no one, but few do. Including myself.

So as 2015 comes to an end, I’ll share some raw and vulnerable details about myself lately…

I started 2015 with a boyfriend. In my post Refresh, I wrote vaguely about how our relationship ended. This year started off really tough, and really real. I fled from that toxic relationship, stayed single for only a month or so… then unfortunately, found myself in another awful relationship. I thought I met Prince Charming, but he was really still a frog. Well, since he cheated on me (A couple of times! Probably the entire time!!), he’s really not even worthy of being called a frog… more like pond scum, yeah?

So I’m closing in on the end of this year feeling deeply saddened. Saddened by the fact that I am a caring and loving woman who has a lot to offer. I know this. I’m confident. But I feel like I’m going to keep picking the wrong guy. It’s to the point where I battle, on a daily basis, between considering being single for a very long time, and the prodding fact that my heart feels very alone.

I can honestly feel the loneliness beyond just a thought provoked sensitivity. My emotions are physical. There are chest pains from heartache, and an overwhelmingly foggy covering upon my body that weighs me down. I feel betrayed by love, and maybe I’m a bit naive, or was naive, but I still can’t believe how some can be so selfish, manipulating, and deceiving. Like, really?…

On a lighter note, I am keeping positive. I have a lot to be grateful for; and plenty of interests, responsibilities, and goals to keep myself busy and excited for the future. Regarding All the Cute, well, I hope I can keep my blog going in 2016. I hope it gets better and better! I have many ideas just waiting to be shared and put into action… and while I share my favorite style picks and fashion ideas with you, I’ll try to incorporate some posts that are more real, more personal, and less vanilla.

With Style & Love,

♥
Amber

P.S. sorry about the selfie! This was a last minute post. Well, sorry not sorry… hehe.

32 Comments

  2. I am so sorry how things turned out on the relationship department for you, Amber. But please don’t feel down about it…when the saying said ‘you have to kiss lots of frogs to meet your prince charming’ it almost literally meant that. I had so many disastrous relationships after my divorce too, wasted 4 years with an emotional and mental abuser and then with someone who is so insecure and possessive who brought out the worst in me but there’s always hope. 8 years after my divorce I finally met my prince charming who is now my husband. I know it’s not easy but you have a beautiful princess and you’re a wonderful person yourself and have faith that it will all work out in the end. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

  4. Oh sweetie, I have so been there! Finally my husband was the one but it took kissing so many frogs my dear so many toxic relationships! There is light at the end of the tunnel and the whole point is you were simply too wonderful for those guys and it’s the men’s testosterone thars too blind to see it and appreciate all that you have to offer! You and your daughter deserve the best and never settle for anything other than. It’s hard to see that at the time but you’ll learn from these bad ones and the right time in the right place what you need will come rushing in. Love and hugs my beautiful dear! I hope you have a festive and Merry weekend and it’s full of smiles!

  6. My dearest Amber… I feel your hearts pain. I’ve been there and when I connected with mt best friend, the love of my life… I was sure I had finally met my prince too, however; he ended up breaking my heart more than anyone else. I am keeping the hope too… you are a beautiful girl both inside and out… you deserve an honest and truthful love. I’m sure you’ll have that someday, refuse to settle for anything less. I hope 2016 is a much better year for you xox ♡♡♡

  7. I’m so sorry to hear about the 2 awful relationships you had the beginning of this year sweetie. I think it’ll make it all very worth it in the end when you finally meet your prince charming, and you’ll just laugh at these bad moments because they have made you a stronger person! Best wishes to you and cheers to what to come for you and All The Cute in 2016! :)

    -Lily from With Love Lily Rose

  8. Hi Amber, first of all I think that it’s really great that you’ve written this post! it’s hard to admit when things aren’t good and I really salute you for it! As for that cheating excuse of a man, he is worse than pondscum- more like public toilet scum! Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like rubbish. It’s his loss and I applaud you on walking away. Don’t worry too much about the men, the right one will come along and treat you like the beautiful person you are. Take care

    Rachel xx
    http://www.thedailyluxe.net

  10. Aww the sad fact is that not every guy will be a great guy – but I’m hoping you find your prince charming soon! We all have to kiss a few frogs to find our prince right?!

    I think you’re right to share little bits of what’s really going on in your blog – I always enjoy reading posts like this as it makes it easier to relate to people.

    Hoping that 2016 is a wonderful year for you in every way!

    Away From The Blue Blog

  11. I agree with you. So many bloggers tend to only show the perfect and good parts of their lives. They never post anything ‘real’. Which is a shame because I honestly think that people can relate so much to all the not so pretty things too. & it would make the person behind the blog seem so much more real…
    It is so great that you are trying to be different. I enjoyed reading this post beacuse it makes you ‘normal’. It makes you human. Though I am deeply sad to hear about the boyfriends you have had. They truly sound like scums!! & NOT worth you.
    But I know that you will find that one man who treats you like a princess and who would never hurt you in any way <3 <3

  12. I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been through these really bad relationships this year. But I love how you remain positive and keep on loving yourself. That’s the spirit girl! You deserve someone that treats you right and nothing less. Wishing you all the best for 2016 sweetheart.

    Love, Layla Rosita

  15. Shannon

    Awww ya I would definitely call that guy pond scum!! Trust me, you will find mr right, most likely when you are least expecting it! I have a feeling 2016 is going to be your year!

    <3 Shannon
    Upbeat Soles

  17. First off, no need to apologize about that beautiful selfie :) Secondly, this was a very much appreciated post. I can tell you one thing, the reason you have not found the perfect guy for you is because he’s still being perfected :) You are beautiful inside and out and because of that, you deserve a lot of love, support and the absolute best a man has to offer. So, while he’s going through his training program before he meets you, I suggest you focus on you and your beautiful daughter because he’s coming :) I’ve learned that when we look for love, we find everything but that. It’s when we are living our lives and letting go of things we can’t control (finding the right guy), that we end up meeting love. My husband and I met at a bus stop 10 years ago, lol! I brushed him off the first time and then we met at another bus stop miles away from the first one a couple of weeks later. So, if I met my husband at a bus stop, then who knows when and how this awesome man will come into your life :)

    Thanks for sharing, beautiful, and know that you ARE beautiful and deserve the absolute best in life :) Cheers to an amazing 2016 in all areas of your life, beauty!

    XO,

    Jalisa
    http://www.thestylecontour.com

    • Jalisa, thank you soo sooo much for your kind words!! I really appreciate your positive thoughts and optimism!! I’m hoping the right guy is just waiting to bump into me, too! :o) And the story about you and your husband is the sweetest… glad you two found each other!! Cheers to you, too! ♥

  21. So sorry to hear about your relationship. It’s unfortunate that it ended that way but I believe that we go through tough times to prepare us for what’s to come. You have a lot going for you and just by reading through the comments section I know you’ll see that the blogging community has your back!

    -M
    http://www.violetroots.com

  22. I’m happy I stumbled upon your blog and even happier that this was the first post of yours I read. I found myself in a similar rut about the “vanilla” blogging. I am a writer, and often write my innermost thoughts when I blog, ending up with posts that are content heavy that sometimes lack the amazing, staged, picture-perfect photos that many lifestyle bloggers post. I was so tempted to change my blogging style to fit the “vanilla” model that everyone loves, but then I realized that I was sacrificing the chance to be authentically me. This type of candor is exactly what the blogging world needs. There’s so much that’s behind a perfect photo–so many emotions, thoughts, and life events that people never share with the people who come to their blog day in and day out. It never hurts to be vulnerable and share our struggles and hard times; it connects us in a way that’s much deeper than “you blog? Me too!” Thank you so much for sharing with us, and I’m hopeful that 2016 will be a year that you’re open to loving again while remembering all you learned about people and love in 2015.

    Janna | http://www.itsmejmarie.com

    • I’m so happy you appreciate my vulnerability and openness… I’ve actually gotten comments and email messages from women thanking me for being genuine, as they too have felt burned by a guy or just outright confused/alone… but we’re not alone. I suppose. I really appreciate your positive words and encouragement. Hoping you stop by again! ♥

  25. Oh damn, pond scum indeed. I don’t understand people who cheat and I’m sorry you had to go through this!! I appreciate you being raw; I like it when bloggers share and I liked that coin “vanilla bloggers.” Enough already, for sure. There’s sometimes no magic formula, and what works for one doesn’t always work for another. But in my experience, being single (on purpose) for a long time was a great experience for me. It cleared my head with what I wanted and attracted better men when I was back out there. I don’t know if that helps, but for what it’s worth it’s my two cents. I hope 2016 is better for you!!! XO
    Lauren-Blair
    http://www.prefertobedemure.com

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